ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
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