WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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