dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
