We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
