Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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