Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
You are a genius and a whore.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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