I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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