i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
