You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
