dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
