forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Randomize
