there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
