oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I'm having to shit out rocks
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