He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
