I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
