My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
