I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
