let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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