whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
that is very illegal...i love you.
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