Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Randomize
