I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Randomize
