i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Houston, we have a squirter
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
