it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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