you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
