The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
