Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
