i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Randomize
