Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
