did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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