New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
