i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
