This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
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