last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Randomize
