No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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