her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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