If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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