so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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