There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
