Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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