evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
