How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
