omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
