When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
