Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
