Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Did I show you my penis last night?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Randomize
