Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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