I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
