I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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