her facebook's as public as her vagina
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
