just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
This is the high leading the old right now
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
