He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
