I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
