I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
