I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
