Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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