If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
