i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
