idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize