He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
