I seem to have left my pride at pride
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
