I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
