so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
