Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
