I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
