Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
