Three words: puerto rican gang bang
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
