so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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