The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
