I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
What a dumb baby whore.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize