My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
