His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
