Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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