I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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