Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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