Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Randomize
