he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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