Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
