No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
