who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Randomize
